I Find Him in the Silence

“Jesus got up and went to a place where he could be alone and pray.”
Mark 1:35

I am an introvert. I enjoy the silence. I love being alone. It may seem or look a little sad, but it actually isn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of friends. But, whenever I need to recharge or calm myself down I have to be alone. And it’s actual a necessity. I have to be alone from time to time.

 After Wednesday class, when I finally reach home, I would go straight to my room, close the door, turn off the lights, lie on my bed, and then put my earphones on. I would just stare into the darkness, listening to my playlist, humming along with it from time to time. It’s become my routine.

I love being by myself, alone with my thoughts. I find peace in the silence. And in that peace, I find myself.

Most of the day, my head would always be noisy, buzzing with different sorts of sounds. My mind would always be full of thoughts, promises, and ideas. I am not the kind of person who likes to share what I’m thinking. If I do share insights or thoughts with a person however, that would mean I must really trust that person.

I keep a lot of secrets. Most of them are my own, but almost half of them aren’t. I don’t easily spill out my feelings or just mindlessly rant my complains on Facebook or any other popular social network. I keep it all inside. I set up these walls that only a few people can breach.

One of those few people is God. Technically, He is not a person. He is my Creator, my God. So of course He’ll know everything that goes on this little head of mine. But still, I still trust Him with everything. Everything. My life, my secrets, my thoughts, and everything else. I trust Him.

I talk to Him when I’m alone. Because when I do, I find something more than myself. I find Him.

That’s why the passage made more sense to me than any passage I’ve read before. I knew exactly why Jesus had to be alone to pray. That’s because he had to hear, he had to hear what God has to say. There is beauty in silence. The less you speak, the more you hear. And prayer is all about listening to God.

Usually, I hear God’s voice after a talk, a worship song, or whenever I write. I would have doubts and think that maybe it’s all in my head. But it actually isn’t. When God talks to me I write everything down and the words wouldn’t stop. I don’t have to think about the words, I would just move my fingers on the piece of paper, writing everything that I hear.

The thoughts are not my own. When I hear Him, it takes a long time before I stop writing. He finishes His message first before I stop writing. I know it’s His voice I hear and not mine, because I know how I write.

When I write, I pause to think. But when He speaks, I don’t need to pause because the words are already there. And those words don’t belong to me. They are His.

I know this because when I share these words to others, they hear Him too. But I can only hear His words in silence. Because in silence I find something more than myself; I find Him.

There is beauty in being alone, because you never truly are. God has always been there and will always be. Find Him in the silence. The less you speak the more you’ll hear.